Honor: 72 [ Give / Take ]
28 entries this month
22:14 Aug 31 2011
Times Read: 995
People keep telling me everything will work out, everything will be fine.
I can't make it work out in my mind. I can't plan ahead. I don't see how anything will work out, or how anything will be fine.
20:37 Aug 31 2011
Times Read: 997
Well, that was an annoyingly vivid dream.
I find it odd that often in my dreams the sky is pitch black the whole time. Interesting.
19:46 Aug 29 2011
Times Read: 998
I seriously, SERIOUSLY need to stop dreaming about sex.
Especially on the days when I wake up alone. How frustrating.
-.-
09:07 Aug 29 2011
Times Read: 1,013
I had every intention of getting some things done after work today. I am beat though. I think I'll take advantage of the fact that my work week is only two days long, and work on it Tuesday. I only work 10 or 11 hours a day (usually), but I come home exhausted. I think it's a combination of being (as someone I worked with called it tonight) 'in the family way', and my job just being mentally draining. I come home pooped. All I want to do is eat something, check my messages, and pass out. I don't know what I'm going to do when baby is born, I can't work like this and care for an infant.
I picked up a sympathy card tonight for my close friends back home. His brother passed away last week. Very sad times. I'm sad I can't be there for the funeral, or to even give them hugs. I hope I get to see them the next time I visit. I miss my people so much. It just wont be the same not hanging out at his brothers place when I go back for visits. He was so young too, still in his twenties. He will be greatly missed.
03:23 Aug 28 2011
Times Read: 1,027
It's a sad fact that I crochet way faster than I read. =l
03:52 Aug 27 2011
Times Read: 1,042
The stitches came out of the top of my head today. Had I known I would not be seeing MY doctor and her nurse, I would have snipped them out myself and stayed home for the afternoon.
The doctor I did see seemed rather silly, and didn't tell me anything I didn't know. 'Call in the event there's a sign of infection.' No lady, I thought I'd let my head get all raw, and red, and swell up until puss flows from it.
The only crappy parts about having the cyst removed were the sounds of it being ripped out. Like a more quiet version of carpet being pulled up, and the pain once the local wore off. My genius ass went to the store after the procedure, so the local wore off while I was in target. I'll be damned if I didn't actually feel like I had my head cut open, and a something ripped out. The pain onset was so quick it made me dizzy. Luckily I didn't need any Tylenol for it. I came home and slept the pain off. The next day it was much less sore, and within a couple of days it was fine. My head is still a little tender if I push on it where the cyst used to be, but that will go away eventually.
I just hope the damn thing doesn't come back.
Yes... this is really the kind of shit that goes through my head.
12:25 Aug 26 2011
Times Read: 1,057
You know... if aliens had better anesthesiologists people would neither remember, nor be traumatized by anal probes. O.o
10:15 Aug 24 2011
Times Read: 1,071
I will NOT cut my stitches out again..
I will NOT cut my stitches out again...
I will NOT cut my stitches out again...
Only 3 more days. I can do this.
02:56 Aug 24 2011
Times Read: 1,091
I was told that I need to get new shoes to wear to work today, because mine aren't 'professional' enough.
I don't know if I should go shopping for hooker shoes, or a big ugly butch pair. The butch shoes would probably piss them off more. =l
09:12 Aug 18 2011
Times Read: 1,143
I'm really nervous. I have to go to the doc in a few hours and have my head cut open. I'm not looking forward to it, but if it's something crappy I want to know as soon as possible.
I anticipate there will be needles, and stitches. Neither of these bother me. But if doc thinks she's going to shave a bald patch in my head, we're going to throw down. =/
I hope I don't cry tomorrow. Crying is what makes me dehydrated and dizzy.
08:59 Aug 18 2011
Times Read: 1,145
Hahaha looking at my last entry I guess I'm a nasty bizzle that spews about tmi.
ugh.. the volcanic ass gods are angry
02:58 Aug 18 2011
Times Read: 1,160
They obviously didn't like the offering the cafeteria people gave yesterday.
=l
09:19 Aug 17 2011
Times Read: 1,180
I had a small panic attack yesterday. I know it's probably silly, but I'm not exactly emotionally stable these days. The frequent crying is enough of a sign for that.
I was sitting here thinking about how fast time is going by, and before I know it it'll be winter, and I'll be in the hospital. And then it hit me...
It's going to come out of my hooha. o.o
It's going to come out of my hooha. O.O
OMG... IT'S GOING TO COME OUT OF MY HOOHA!
I never thought at any point in time, I would actually want my vagina to be large. It sure would come in handy for this. =/
My books say the body makes chemicals that make your muscles stretch down there... the same chemicals that allow your belly muscles to stretch. I'm still a little panicky though. Some new experiences are scary.
hmmm
09:43 Aug 16 2011
Times Read: 1,197
I should probably call my doctor and arrange to have that thing cut out of my head.
10:41 Aug 15 2011
Times Read: 1,216
Bed time for me!
I only got 4 1/2 hours yesterday before my craptastic morning shift. I was ok until I came home from work. I managed to choke down a yogurt, and then I tried to read my book. I ended up dozing off for a few minutes while I was reading. When I woke up I started shaking. I'm not sure if you'd call it shaking or mild convulsing. It sucked either way. I put the book down and took a nap. I felt much better when I woke up. Sleep deprivation, and long hours are a little harder on me these days than they used to be.
07:32 Aug 15 2011
Times Read: 1,221
Blah
09:38 Aug 13 2011
Times Read: 1,243
I'm unhappy... and also surprisingly enough, not in the mood to talk about it.
I think I'll just cry myself to sleep.
Stupid hormones. I'll never get used to this crying business.
20:10 Aug 12 2011
Times Read: 1,252
Rather than looking forward to going to work. I now dread it. =/
It's not supposed to be like this.
00:46 Aug 12 2011
Times Read: 1,277
My day started out crappy. When I woke up, the room was spinning. I've never had it do that sober before. After that mess calmed down I started to get ready for my doctor appointment.
So I was sitting on the toilet brushing my teeth (shut up I was multitasking... ok so what really happened is I had to pee about halfway through brushing my teeth.) when my body decides it needed to hurl. I didn't have time to flush and assume the position at the porcelain bowl, so I leaned over the edge of the tub and dry heaved into that (butt still on the pot). I don't recommend that. After two heaves I realized that twisted position hurt like a mother fucker. So I straightened back up and grabbed the trashcan instead. As much as it sucks to throw up, it's soooo much worse when your stomach is empty so you just keep dry heaving over and over.
I grabbed a muffin at the panera around the corner on the way to the doctor. I didn't get very far into it because I swear it tasted like salmon. It was supposed to be an apple muffin. -.- wtf?
With as fat and bloated as I've been feeling lately I'm surprised to find out that not only have I not gained any weight, I've actually lost a couple of pounds in the last month. The doc says that the dizziness is likely from dehydration and I should keep water in bed with me to help combat that in the morning. She says that the panting I've developed in the last week when I carry crap up the stairs is normal. Apparently my body is working over time, and gremlin is hogging all of the blood.
If anyone needed proof that this little bastard is WC's brat, it took the doc about 20 minutes to find the heartbeat with her little sound machine. Just when she was about to give up and send me to the ultrasound room gremlin decides to cooperate. Stubborn just like dad.
In 4 weeks I go back for another doctor visit. Two weeks after that we do the gender ultrasound. YAY! I can't wait to find out what it is. I wont be sharing that in my journal. I'm not sure if I'll share it with anyone on VR. WC doesn't want to know, and people aren't very good at keeping secrets around here. Lol We'll see.
Doc says the throwing up should get better sometime in the next couple of weeks. If it's not better by my next visit, I'm giving them the evil eye.
15:43 Aug 11 2011
Times Read: 1,284
I don't feel good today.
It's a good thing I'm already going to the doctor.
17:24 Aug 10 2011
Times Read: 1,302
I am up WAY too early.
At least I get to do some shopping today, and I get to go see a movie today, AND I have a package waiting downstairs that my mom sent me. ♥
Plus we get to have a home cooked meal tonight. We've both been working ridiculous hours, so our eating at home has been not cooking, but more like scrounging. =/
We're having bison pot roast for dinner tonight! =D
20:55 Aug 06 2011
Times Read: 1,333
So it seems the company policy on maternity leave is that you either A- use all of your sick days (Which is a stupid policy, and I made sure to tell them that. It sets you up for termination which is ridiculous. Plus if your baby gets sick, you don't have any sick days to take care of it.), or B- if you refuse to use your sick days you have to use all of your earned vacation time.
By the time I have the rugrat I will have saved up 19 vacation days, and a personal day. So the first month will be covered. When benefits open enrollment comes around I'll sign up for short term disability. I can get up to another 2 months at a percentage of my pay (a shitty percentage, but at least it's money). I had to basically pry that information out of the HR benefits person. At first she made it seem like I couldn't take short term disability. Then I said, 'ok then, what exactly DOES short term disability cover then?'. She listed off all kinds of things including maternity leave. Yeah... I thought so.
I hate going to HR, every time I go there I feel like I'm being dicked around.
Rhodonite not rhoholite23:47 Aug 03 2011
Times Read: 1,358
Considering I acquired them sometime last year, I'm not surprised I forgot the exact name of them. I paired them with black glass.
I also made another one for my mom last night, but I had technical difficulties with the plastic I was stringing it on. It seems I'm a bit brutal for plastic. I'll take it out and restring it later.
21:53 Aug 03 2011
Times Read: 1,366
I keep dreaming about work. I don't know if I'm adjusting to my new position, or if its my brain trying to tell me something.
This morning I dreamed that I was on my lunch break at work when I got called to deal with a medical emergency. I walked up to the guy who looked fine other than being disoriented. He said that he was attacked by a bear. The fire dept showed up and decided to take him away because he was likely on drugs. He became hostile and was fighting with them while they were strapping him to the gurney. The weirdo looked at me and said he was going to come back and get me back after he got out of wherever they were taking. So I spent the rest of my dream continuing to work, and waiting for this crackhead to show up and try to attack me.
Weird dream.
PRIVATE ENTRY
21:38 Aug 03 2011
Times Read: 1,367
• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •
@_@
12:23 Aug 02 2011
Times Read: 1,388
I just got home from a 15 hour day at work. I want to pass the hell out, but gremlin needs to eat.
Speaking of eat. I'm kind of glad the fat bastard cats can not only knock over their food bin, but undo the locking lid when I work late. The one time I'm not mad when the little turds help themselves.
Thundercat spooked himself trying to hop into my lap when I came home. I now have several puncture holes in my leg and a ripped up kneecap. Upon inspecting the choices to scrub the wounds out with in the bathroom, I settled on betadine rather than the rubbing alcohol. I don't imagine I've had enough sleep to have my normal pain tolerance, and given the amount of blood running down my leg it seems deep enough to sting a bit. My leg now looks liked its developing jaundice in random spots. It's better than getting an infection from icky kitty claws.
Ok, time to eat. Then maybe I'll read until WC comes home. We'll see if I can stay awake.
03:27 Aug 01 2011
Times Read: 1,061
Lawd almighty. You've gotta love religious debates in the work place.
Th Christian boy is saying the Jews killed Jeebus.
The Jewish boy is saying the Romans killed Jeebus.
The Muslim girl is staying out of the debate, but she wants the Jewish boy to stop attempting to convert her to be a Jew, because she doesn't want to go to hell.
I'm keeping my comments to myself, but it's slightly amusing.
COMMENTS
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PAGAN
22:25 Aug 31 2011
*hugs*
BlackMetal888
22:42 Aug 31 2011
Fuck it,., some times its not gonna be allright. It's how you handle it (whatever it is) That counts!! :/
Vampirewitch39
23:55 Aug 31 2011
I like what BlackMetal said. The way you grown, learn, handle what is coming... is life. *hugs*
Requiem
00:29 Sep 01 2011
That is the truth. We WANT it to be alright, to be peachy, to be perfect. Life's messy. ::hug.love::